i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
