Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
