I'm gonna have a badass scar
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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