Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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