If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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