Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
