So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
