Can i not drive my cunt home
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
