i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
