Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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