She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I FOUND THE LEGS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
