I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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