I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
