even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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