she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
