the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
