oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
