Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Its about making memories worth repressing
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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