dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
