you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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