I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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