He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
