i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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