I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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