did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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