Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's official drugs can't kill me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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