Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
