I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
