i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
