I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
