I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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