sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
