i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So much rum. So many feels.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
