I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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