she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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