She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
