I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
