worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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