I hate your face
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
