i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
