just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
