Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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