dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
