Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
