well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
