we have pet lesbian snakes
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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