after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
