don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
