I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This is not my ceiling
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
