beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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