I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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