There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
