WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
