so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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