yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
