I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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