I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
