Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
